Settling Into Secondary School: How to Get Through the First Few Weeks

The first few weeks at secondary school are strange. Not bad, just strange: a new building, thirty new faces, twelve teachers with twelve different sets of rules, and at the end of every day you feel as tired as if you'd run a marathon. If that sounds familiar: congratulations, you're completely normal. Settling in takes almost everyone six to eight weeks. Here's how to make those weeks easier.

Why you're so tired (and why that's okay)

Everything that came automatically at primary school now takes some thought: the route to room 108, which books to bring, how that one teacher likes things done, who to sit next to. Your brain is working overtime on a hundred small decisions a day, and you feel it in the evening. That isn't a sign you can't cope; it's proof that you're learning. After a few weeks those decisions become automatic and your energy comes back by itself. Until then: don't be too hard on yourself, and don't overfill your afternoons.

Routines are your best friend

The more you can do on autopilot, the more energy is left for what's new. Three routines that pay off most:

• Pack your bag the evening before. Timetable beside you, books in, planner with you. A stress-free morning starts the night before.
• Fill in your planner in the lesson. At the moment the teacher sets homework, not later. This one little habit prevents ninety per cent of forgotten homework.
• A fixed homework time. The same slot every day, for example from four to five. Then you never have to negotiate with yourself again.

Making friends happens by itself (if you're there)

Friendships in the Brugklas (the first year of Dutch secondary school) rarely form on day one. They form in weeks two, three and four, at break, in PE, during group projects and on the introduction camp. All you have to do is join in: stand with a group at break, say yes to the outing, join that sports club or go to the school party. You don't have to be the funniest or the most popular; you just have to be there. The rest follows.

For parents: what you'll see at home

Expect a child who is tired in the first few weeks, sometimes short-tempered, and hard to reach for a while after school. That's the settling-in period, not an alarm signal. What helps: a predictable rhythm at home (a fixed mealtime, bed on time, not something planned every day after school), asking about small, concrete things rather than the big picture, and not quizzing them about grades or friends every day. Give the process room; most children find their feet within two months.

When is it more than settling in?

The rule of thumb: around the autumn holiday, the worst of the unease should be over. If your child is still dreading school every day, isn't connecting with the class, or their results are dropping sharply, get in touch with the mentor (the teacher who looks after the class). They are there precisely for the Brugklas year, see how things are going in class and can think along before something small becomes something big. Having that conversation isn't failing; it's exactly what the mentor is for.

Read also: Getting back into a school routine after the summer holidays and Brugklas tips: what nobody tells you in advance